The Angry Ref - "Another Reason Why Football Needs a Slap in the Mouth"

OK, so I know this isn’t totally topical anymore, nor is it completely on topic, but trust me I’ll try to bring it around.  It wasn’t long ago that the Iranian Women’s football team was disqualified from an Olympic qualifying match  because the player wanted to wear their hijab.  Now there are many issues surrounding this story including FIFA’s general ban on political and religious displays and whether the Iranian team broke a previous compromise agreement with FIFA regarding some sort of cap to replace the hijab.

I don’t want to get into the religious freedom issue, in part because it’s so inflammatory and in part because I can see both sides.  The thing is, from what I’ve seen of the reporting on this issue from both the Islamic and Western press is that FIFA is standing by their contention that the hijab presents a choking hazard.  That’s right.  Instead of standing by their established rule about political and religious statements they are instead putting forth this perplexing nonsense about safety.  Poppycock!

As a referee I would not want to see a hijab in a scrum or a ruck.  I would worry about a player in a hijab on a break away with a defender chasing them down.  I can see safety issues there in terms of both choking and whiplash types of injuries.  But that’s because I referee rugby, a sport that has actual contact as an actual part of the game.  I ask you, when in football is there enough prolonged contact of a grasping or pulling nature as to present a choking hazard?  Mind you, this is “sport” where players fling themselves to the ground, roll around and cry if an opponent passes within a meter of them.  So when the hell is anyone going to have a chance to choke anyone else?  The whole assertion is preposterous.  It seems to me to be a thinly veiled attempt to punish the Muslim world simply for being Muslim.

Get with it FIFA, stop pretending your game has any danger and clean up the egregious flopping before trying to assert any claims about protecting player safety.  Ninnies.

The Angry Ref - "The Blame Game"

I was basically a terrible player. I think I’ve mentioned this before. OK, so maybe not terrible, but certainly not elite. I never played on a winning team. When I was an A side player I was usually somewhere between the 13th and 15th best player on the team. Some of the reasons for this were pretty obvious. For one, I just simply wasn’t all that athletically gifted. For another the coaching I received was pretty spotty at times. Some coaches assumed I knew things I didn’t know and then didn’t bother to correct me when I did things wrong, possibly figuring I was just being difficult. Some coaches also didn’t know the things I didn’t know and so had nothing to teach me. But I’m not here to blame my coaches or myself.

The Angry Ref - "My Kryptonite"

I probably shouldn’t say this.  I shouldn’t reveal my secret.  I have a weakness, one that renders all my powers of game management useless and impotent.  I shouldn’t reveal it.  Not only for my own sake but because, like all Kryptonians who draw immense power from our yellow sun share the same weakness, so too do all my reffing brethren (and sistren, if that’s a word) share a common frailty: the final whistle.  Though we are “the sole judge of fact and of Law during a match” once the match ends we are reduced to the standing of mere mortals. 

I first learned this fact many years ago during a tournament.  I was a rookie ref and I’d had a particularly taxing game.  I’d made a couple of iffy calls and on a couple of them weakened my credibility by making a declaration like “It’s a maul!” followed quickly by something like, “Wait, no it’s not!”. That is to say, I wasn’t on top of the game.  I wasn’t terrible, nothing that swung the outcome one way or the other but it didn’t look good.  The players in this case were no help either, flying this way and that, engaging in all manner of activities seemingly designed to mask any semblance of a rugby match.   

To top it off, one of the captains was a mouthy member of The Empire who thought he knew every damn thing about the game and was more than willing to share his observations.  At one point the two captains dove after a ball, landed out of bounds and proceeded to fight each other (as they had failed to disturb the ball in any way I chose to ignore them and focus on the play on the field, this decision was also unpopular).  It was pretty ugly all around but I was still completely unprepared for what happened after the final whistle.   

At the end of the match, which ended (appropriately in my estimation) in a draw, Captain Limerton approached me but instead of the usual questions or complaints he simply said, “You’re a complete f***ing retard.”  I was completely taken aback.  I couldn’t even muster a perfunctory “F*** you.”  I had been completely stymied.  I went back to the referee’s tent to ask what to do in that situation and was essentially told that nothing could be done.  One of the other refs did offer to talk to the player, when the ref returned his only comment was, “Well it did sound like he had some valid complaints.”

Very well.

I’ll tell you another tale of woe.  I once had a game that was getting out of hand.  The players were more interested in fighting than playing ball and the crowd was threatening to storm the field.  After an egregious foul, for fear of a total meltdown that would put me on the evening news, I blew the whistle to signify the end of the game.  I then went through the full procedure of issuing a red card to the offending player.  Guess what?  When I submitted my report the disciplinary committee dismissed it due to the fact that a card cannot be issued after a game has ended.  This actually happened a couple times before I was able to calm down in the moment and get the correct procedure.  In fact, in one case the game was so out of hand that I issued a red card report without talking to the player involved by getting his name off of the roster sheet when I got home.  This was another non-starter for the disciplinary committee.

The point is, as far as I’ve seen in my travels and discussions with referees there’s not much I can do after the match has ended.  There’s no official sanction in the law book for negative conduct towards the ref after the match.  The final whistle is my Kryptonite.  Once I take off the cape I’m just another guy.  The primary advice I’ve come across is simply to “be better during the match.”  Not real helpful as advice goes but I’ve taken it to heart.  I haven’t had an incident like the ones above in several years.

As you well know my dear and loyal readers The Angry Ref has no shortage of stories of mouthy players getting tossed about by hand signals and cards as if I were some combination of DarthVader and Gambit.  If you want to have your say without fear of immediate reprisal simply wait until after the game.  We’re basically defenseless, with the following caveat: you’re union and results may vary.  I’d like to think that some unions address referee abuse even after the match but so far I haven’t found one.  That said, don’t be surprised if your union comes down on you for something you say to a ref after a match.   

Also, once the match is over and we’re all just regular people again the ref is under no compunction to be nice to you anymore either.  The worst I’ve ever done after a match is tell a U19 coach, in front of his players and parents, that he should never be allowed around children.  I also said to a parent who approached at midfield after a match to complain about what I had missed that, very quietly and very calm so that no one else could hear me, “No one gives a f*** what you saw.”  But don’t be surprised if you get lippy after a match and the ref verbally tears you a new one. If that happens it won’t be me though.  My union expects refs to handle these types of situations with class.  Also, remember that if you and the ref are performing at a similar level you’ll likely see the ref again. 

And again. 

And again. 

And while The Angry Ref would never suggest that we whistle wearers hold grudges or allow them to influence our game, well, not everyone is as kind hearted and level headed as I am.

The Angry Ref - "I’m sorry, are you still here?"

As a referee, especially in America, especially when dealing with kids or football players both of whom don’t know when to shut up, there’s a certain amount of explaining that not only required but expected; no, demanded by players.  One reason for this is that often coaches don’t know the law or have some archaic understanding of things from the long-sleeve cotton jersey days.  Another reason is that undermanned coaching staffs have to spend so much time teaching skills and beating the football out of players that they never have time to teach a proper understanding of the laws.

I remember once calling a penalty, something to the effect of, “Seven, you’re off your feet and failed to bind, back ten.”   The answer from the player was “It’s rugby man, there are no rules!”  Really.  So then what am I doing out here on a lovely Saturday when I could be lawn bowling instead?  Whatever the reason, players often require just a little extra explanation after a penalty so they can understand what’s happened.

The Angry Ref - "I’m with the Ban"

So, the organizers of the Rugby World Cup came out against vuvuzelas.  Bravo!  Those things are abysmal.  Terrible.  Awful.  Horrible.  An abomination.  Seriously, I hate them.  I was all ready to be a fan of this past Copa Mundial until I was listening to early pool play on the radio and marveling at how bad the reception was.  I mean c’mon South Africa, get some fiber optics or something!  When I found out that the killer bee sound wasn’t ancient S.A. technology but in fact ancient S.A. culture I was done.  I hardly paid attention to the rest of the tournament.  So bravo to the RWC folks for ensuring that rugby fans don’t have to endure that nonsense.  Anything we can do to distance our sport from soccer is a good thing.
 
But why stop at vuvuzelas?  I can think of more things to ban.  For example, can we ban the referee jerseys worn at the Collegiate Sevens Tournament?  What the hell was up with those?  For god’s sake I thought a lost and lonely Newcastle United player had wandered out onto the field.  I was worried about him, you know what happens when a soccer player is almost touched.  I thought he might be killed.  But no, it was the referee.  It was shocking.  I mean really, is this what we have to do to get U.S. viewers involved?  Zebra stripes?  Yuck.  BAN IT!
 

The Angry Ref is back and we got pictures!

Maybe its Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow, but the Angry Ref is back out from hibernation!

The first post from the ref for the year is an oldie (did we mentioned the hibernation bit?) but expect plenty of fresh stuff as the spring season kicks off.

Meet Joe

To join the ref this year, I have the great pleasure of introducing Joe Hunter, whose fantastic artwork will now be accompaning the trials and tribulations of our beloved referee.  You can check out Joe's comic and other great work at ghostbucket.com 

Stay tuned...the Angry Ref and Joe will be right back!

The Angry Ref - "I’m With the Ban"

So, recently the organizers of the Rugby World Cup came out against vuvzelas. Bravo! Those things are abysmal. Terrible. Awful. Horrible. An abomination. Seriously, I hate them. I was all ready to be a fan of this year’s Copa Mundial until I was listening to early pool play on the radio and marveling at how bad the reception was. I mean c’mon South Africa, get some fiber optics or something! When I found out that the killer bee sound wasn’t ancient S.A. technology but in fact ancient S.A. culture I was done. I hardly paid attention to the rest of the tournament. So bravo to the RWC folks for ensuring that rugby fans don’t have to endure that nonsense. Anything we can do to distance our sport from soccer is a good thing.

The Angry Ref - "Crime and Punishment"

I recently read this article discussing the length of a yellow card suspension in U19 rugby.  If you don’t want to follow the link and read the article it basically brings up the issue that some people, (who these people are isn’t really discussed but I guess they’re loud enough to be heard but not loud enough to be recognized) are questioning the application of a ten-minute suspension in a seventy minute match.  The argument is that if the game is shorter the suspension should be shorter.  The writer (there’s no byline) makes some good points on both sides of the issue.  Readers make some emotional points in the comments.  The Angry Ref will summarize the correct opinion: “Balderdash!”

The Angry Ref - “It’s Gotta Go Both Ways”

No, it doesn’t.  It absolutely doesn’t.  The only way it’s gotta go is the way it goes.
 
OK, so that’s not exactly true.  If you have two teams that are both committing the same infraction you do have to call it on both teams.  But when you have one team committing an infraction over and over again and the other team never commits the infraction then no, it does not have to go both ways.
 
What the hell am I talking about?  I’m talking about comments from the sideline, specifically from parents.  Look here parents, let me tell you something, most of you don’t know half as much as you think you know about rugby.  You certainly don’t know a damn thing about officiating.  And you know even less about your own stupidity and need to STFU.  Seriously, what makes you think that it’s at all appropriate to yell things at an AR at a frosh/soph U19 match?

The Angry Ref - "Do you know what this game means?”

I get asked this a lot.
 
“Do you know how important this game is?"
 
“Do you know what’s a stake today?”

“You know this is a big game right?”

Wrong.  I don’t know.  And the fact is, I don’t want to know.  Besides, what’s the implication behind this question?  Are you suggesting that if the game meant “nothing” I’d approach it different.  Are you suggesting that my focus and preparation are different if the game isn’t a big deal?  Are you insinuating that I don’t give my best effort every time out?  Because if so, that’s a little insulting.
 
Let me tell you a little story.  I was off somewhere out of my union with a group of referees most of whom were far more advanced than I was at the time.  They were trading ref stories and one, and I forget the context of the remark, essentially stated that when he was coming up long ago it had been a waste of his time to ref the D3 notional playoffs.  He just couldn’t muster the excitement.  He talked about the challenges of getting up to do such a mundane game.  Clearly D3 was below him.  Now, as much as I disagree with his attitude he did make an important point, one that has stuck with me throughout my career.  It was this:
 
“I knew I had to get up for it because even though I wasn’t excited it was everything to these players.  For many them this was the pinnacle of their rugby lives and that had to be respected.”
 
When I was playing I was never on a team that made the playoffs.  I never even played in a game with playoff implications.  Never.  But as a player every game was important to me.  As a ref there are a couple things I carry with me each week.  The first is that every game is important to the players.  The second is that every game is important in and of itself.  You cannot allow a game at the end of the season to be any more or less important than a game at the beginning of the season.  Even if the last game determines whether or not a team makes the playoffs, or what their seeding will be.  Because the fact is that the way the games go from the start of the year determine what situation the team is in at the end of the year.  If you sleepwalk through an early season match you could have a hand in setting up the “winner take all” scenario at the end of the year.  If you’re concentration and preparation aren’t there for the games you deem as “unimportant” you could ruin a team’s year later on down the road.
 
So I don’t care what any one game means.  I don’t care what the implications of any one game are.  They are all important.  Nothing changes for me in terms of how I call the game.  I call what I see.  I interpret the law as I interpret it and I don’t care who you are, or who your coach is, or where you played before or any of that.  Once the game starts you’re a player and I’m the ref and the play is the play.  Because as much as we ref a game overall, and think about the game as a whole entity a large part of what we do is adjudicate moments.  Each breakdown, each set piece, each attempted tackle is its own entity seen and judged in real time.  Whatever happens in those moments happens and as a player I’m not sure you want the ref thinking about what it could mean in the larger context of this match or season.  I think you want the ref focused on this play, this moment happening right now.  Right?
 
To answer that I present this quote from Bruce Weber’s book “As They See ‘Em” about baseball umpires.
 
“Put another way, umpires are the only ones in the park for whom the narrative powers of a ball game are supposed to be irrelevant.  For fans, for players, for broadcasters, for everyone else the appeal of a ball game is that it is a story, with characters, a measure of uncertainty and suspense, a beginning, a middle, an end, and in the best of circumstances a climax and a denouement.  But for umpires, the story can be nothing but a distraction.  For them the game needs to be a procession of episodes, each only as weighty as the previous one, and it’s imperative for them to combat the very human impulse to be drawn into the drama.”
 
That is why I don’t want to know what this game means.  Because for me it can’t mean anything more than any other game.  An even keel is what defines a good ref.  The first play is the same as the last play.  The first game is the same as the playoff game.  It is not the meaning of the game that matters to us, it is the judgment of the moment.  For us, the game is nothing more than a series of moments strung together.

The Angry Ref - "You Like Me. You Really Like Me. Don’t You?"

Have you been reading this?  Are you taking this advice to heart?  I think maybe you might be because I haven’t had much to write about lately.  I’ll be honest, a lot of my previous columns have been drawn from experiences early in my refereeing career.  In an unguarded moment you may even catch me admitting that some of my frustrations were related to being new.  But I’d never admit that here.

Besides, if you look back most of what makes The Angry Ref angry is when players focus more on being clever than on playing rugby and that has little to do with my previous newness.  So many of you divide your focus in such an inexplicable way.  Imagine if you focused solely on the game?  Imagine the heights to which you could rise.  Are you imagining it?  Can you see yourself using that cleverness to figure out how to play to what the ref is or isn’t calling and exploiting it to your advantage rather than running around whining?  I can see it.  It’s beautiful

The Angry Ref - “You Wanna Go Old Man?”

Here’s the thing about reffing old boys: they think they know everything.  They also think nothing’s changed in the last 100 years.  Whenever it was that they played their best rugby is when they stopped reading the law book.  It’s like when my grandmother is shocked at the cost of something.   “What?  But when we cremated your grandfather it only cost $200.”  Yeah grandma, that was 1976.  Guess what old-timer, they allow lifting in the lineout now.  Sure, some old boys know their stuff.  I once reffed an old boys match wherein one of the players had been a more than adequate ref in his own right.  The problem was he was so quick with his tongue he made it look for all the world like he was calling the game and I was just following along.  Damn old boys.  Even when they do know what’s going they still make me look bad.  But the following experience is more typical.
 

The Angry Ref - “The Only One Who Could Never Teach Me”

So far this column has mostly been used to respond to the abuse refs take from players on a week-to-week basis but how could we maintain our credibility unless we were willing to crack one of our own?  Today I plan to do just that.  Of course I plan to do it from a ref’s perspective which means none of the things players usually gripe about.  After all players know what their chief complaints are and ref’s know that player complaints are usually based on ignorance of what refs are looking at.  We refs can be a pretty understanding lot when it comes to assessing our colleague’s performance.  We take into account the ref’s experience, the type of match, the ref’s goals etc.  So it takes a special ref to really get under our skin.

The Angry Ref - “To the left. To the left.”

Hey coach how ya doing?  Great.  Great.  I’ll try to keep this short.   OK here’s the thing, you know how a lot of coaches tell their teams that the coaches do their work on Tuesdays and Thursdays but on Saturdays their job is done and it’s up to the players?   

Well it’s true.   You see coach in order to have an official league game we need thirty players and a ref.   But we don’t need you. So my advice is to calm down and think before you yell something at the ref. We can go on just fine without you on the sideline.  You see what I’m saying coach?  Great.   
Thanks.

The Angry Ref - “Oh Captain My Captain”

Dear Captain,

You are a funny fellow indeed.  You are the only one allowed to talk to the ref though we know that in most cases everyone forgets that at the first breakdown.  You are tasked with keeping your players in line giving me a conduit so that your team receives my instructions from a familiar and respected face.  But oh captain my captain there are some things you should know.

First, even though you are allowed to talk you are not allowed to say just any old thing.  So when you are given a penalty for dissent the retort “But I’m the captain!” doesn’t really hold any water.  As the captain you should lead by example and address the ref the way you expect your team to address the ref even though they should not be addressing the ref at all.

Second, remember that I only want to talk to you during a stop in play.  Not at the ruck, not at the maul, not while chasing a play down the field.  Remember that one time when you were a U19 Eagle playing on a local all star team and I marveled at how you could sprint full speed with me shoulder to shoulder for 30 meters and never stop talking?  I remember it.  It makes my carding hand tingle.

Finally dear captain remember that even though your title is bestowed upon you by your coach or your club it can be taken away from you; by me.  So before you declare that the card I’m giving your player is “bullshit” remember that the next thing you hear may be, “Captain, please send me your replacement.”  Followed by a red card for your very own to keep and treasure for two weeks.

The Angry Ref - “If You Don’t Know, Now You Know” (Parts I-II)

Part I. “You’re Not a Ref”

If you passed the level one referee test a few years ago but haven’t reffed a game since, don’t go to the society meetings, and don’t follow the monthly rulings from the IRB you’re not a ref.  So please don’t come up to the ref after the game and start your criticism with “Now, I’m a ref too…”  You’re not a ref, you’re someone who passed a test once.  You’re not a ref the same way Steve Young’s not a lawyer.  You’re not a ref the same way someone who hasn’t studied the tax code in ten years isn’t a CPA. You’re not a ref the same way I’m not a paramedic.  Sure, I took the class and passed the test but I never actually worked as a paramedic and you probably don’t want me to be the one there with your life on the line.

In a very similar way we refs don’t want you trying to help us out with your “observations.”  The interpretations of law, emphasis of law, and even the law itself is constantly changing.  If you’re not following it the way refs are you’re hopelessly behind and should probably just keep your comments to yourself.  Which brings me to.....

The Angry Ref - “With the Window Cracked Hollah Back Money Ain’t a Thing”

With many games there is a bit of grumbling from players about this call and that call which is normal.  But I’d like to take this space to clear up one misconception I’ve encountered more than a couple times over the years.  Rugby players of America, by and large your referees do not get paid.  In fact it is overwhelmingly the opposite.  Like you dear players we also pay club dues and CIPP fees.  So you see, we’re all kicking a little bit of bucks up the chain for the privilege of running around on Saturdays.  The vast majority of your referees not only volunteer but they drive for hours, take time off work, ignore family, friends, and chores all to help make your match official.  The result is almost always a net loss when it comes to money. 

So before you open your mouth and spew out an ignorant comment like “We pay to play and you’re getting paid.” Or, “You should give back your check for this game.” remember these simple guidelines:

• Unless you’re getting paid to be there your ref isn’t getting paid
• Unless the league you play in starts with the word “Super” your ref isn’t getting paid.  (And even then most  f not all of them are volunteers also.)
• Unless you have the name of a country on the front of your jersey rather than the name of a local bar your ref isn’t getting paid.
• Unless your squad has the word “National” before the word “Team” in the name your ref isn’t getting paid.  (And even then, usually your ref isn’t getting paid.)

Now that we have that cleared up let’s remember that we all have the same goal, a good game of rugby.  The ref isn’t against you. The ref is for you.  The ref wants you to do well.  Thank you.

Introducing "the Angry Ref"

As part of a new feature, I am pleased to welcome to a rugby life, the Angry Ref.  The Angry Ref is an active rugby referee in the US and will be blogging weekly about life on the pitch.

 

So without further adue, I give you... 

“Glass Houses” or “How I became The Angry Ref”

I was listening to an interview during the 2009 baseball post season that stuck in my mind.  If you remember during the 2009 MLB playoffs the umpiring was as much a topic as anything else due to several blown calls particularly in the Red Sox-Angels series.  The hosts of this show were interviewing some baseball analyst who told the following story.

During a game a while back an umpire called a batter out on a called third strike.  The batter tilted his head in a silent expression of frustration with the call but didn’t say anything.  After taking a few steps towards the dugout the batter turned back towards the umpire but before he could say anything the umpire took off his masked and said, “Don’t tell me blew that call.  Don’t you dare tell I blew that call.”  “Why not?” asked the batter.  “Because I don’t point out every time you screw up.  When you watch one go right down the pipe I don’t call you an idiot for not swinging.  When you drop a fly ball I don’t ask how you could blow such a easy play.  So don’t you dare tell me I just blew that call.”  With that the batter shrugged and went back to the dug out.   I’ve tried using this line of reasoning with players in the past.   It’s never really worked the way I hoped it would.